I realized I hadn't updated my journal in a while so I decided no better time than the present. Though to be honest my mood isn't the best. >> orz...

This month has been chock full of ups and downs. And lately it seems like more downs than ups. One of the best things though was that all my hard work in field hockey seems to have paid off because I now officially swing up to the varsity games and I am the ONLY sophomore who starts games (on a team of all juniors and seniors). The very fact that my coach thinks I'm good enough to start brings my mood to a high but than when I play JV I feel as though the rest of the team resents that fact. My JV coach is trying to stop this resentment by not playing me as often.

This is a bad thing. and I really don't like it. I don't get to play the whole game on varsity, and the only reason I was able to get onto the swinging position was because I scored varsity's first goal in a year and a half. If I start that is the only time I'll play my real position before my coach switches me around to get some girls out. My JV coach seems to believe I can't help the team and benches me for most if not all the game. This last game we were in I started on Varsity and played a grad total of about 15 or 20 minutes in our 60 or so minutes game. JV? I played a whole whopping 5 minutes. She pulled me out RIGHT after I had gotten in- and that just got me EXTREMELY mad.

Not only this, but today at practice my stick fell into a sewage grate. I don't know howinhell it happened, but After spending an hour AFTER LIGHT I got it out with only my dad to help me. Plus my ankle is injured so my coaches aren't playing me as much. As much as I love the sport, and as much as I feel grateful for where I am-I'm pretty sick of this bipolar treatment or playing a great game and a lot of it, to playing very little time at all.

That's been making me mad for a while now, but lately my brother has been especially abusive to my arms and my back and it's starting to really hurt and annoy me. The problem is since he hits my arm 'till it's numb, it's hard to punch back. (this is a problem red heads have because we perceive pain VERY quickly but it only lingers for a while. But while it's there it hurts like HELL) and he's just been being a bitch lately and I'm sick of it. I feel like my right arm- the arm I WRITE and DRAW with, is permanently going to be crippled if he keeps this shit up for much longer- because my muscles can only take so much abuse in such a short amount of time. I don't like having it hurt every time someone brushes against my arm.

I've also been having to difficulty with my family and friends. I've just been so mad lately and all around PISSED that I feel like I'm treating them crappy- and my mom isn't making it better with her constant bad attitude and nagging-ness. I just feel like shit, and it's tiring me out and I'm taking it out on my friends. And I don't like it. =/

However, today was a semi-good day I suppose because I got to wear bits and pieces of five costumes to school today for wacky tacky day (go spirit week?) but it ended badly with my stick problem and all that jazz. So I've been in a an all around bad attitude.

I've just been super stressed and I really have no time to rest with sports, school, and drama. I can't play 358/2 either because my DS lite is failing on me! but I feel like all of this has to end soon enough so I just have to pull through it and make to the finish line of fall and enjoy my Halloween before Skiing starts and the musical. I have to keep my eyes on the finish line.

-end angry/upset rant of doom-

.:clubs:.